Vell it has been quite a vhile again , and i am back and vill be more frequent im feeling fantastic and look forvards to catching up vith you all *smiles* i have big news so give me a note if your interested and i may tell you love you all

Farevell for now *bows low*

vell hello all, its been a vhile, i have missed you all and now i vill be back very soon, heres the update, im single again, i have more piercings and tats (photos to come) and i have been vorking a heap, here is a little something i wrote its a continuing thing so keep posted

The Chronicles of Armethius
(Chapter One)


Vhy is it vhen ve are so down and thoughts of death linger on our minds like carrion birds to a vaterless man in the dessert, that our existences make the most sense? Or vhy vhen ve can’t see a reason to continue is it that a form of clarity is achieved? And vhy the hell do I feel so crowded vhen I am so alone? Are all these things illusions produced in order to lull me into a sense of purpose? Or have I finally reached the last chapter of my horror story called life?

It is amusing really, that life means so little to me, I could take or give it vithout hesitation, doubt or second thought yet im not villing to end my own… I do not fear death, in fact im actually quite taken vith the concept and am curious as to see vhats next. Is it another fucked up game to vhich I am destined to loose? Or perhaps an eternity of suffering and pain is avaiting me in hell? … Not that it vould be much different from the “life” that I lead now…. I hate myself, completely and vith a passion… it is the only emotion that I feel of late… I feel no joy, no sorrow, no love, no pain…. Just a deep burning hatred tovards myself and most of humanity…. Vell I do have some love left I suppose… I love my friends and vould still kill and die for them, even though im physically alone I take comfort in the knowledge that there are those who care in some small vay…I believe that there is an order and balance to everything… good to evil, life to death, emptiness to contentment…. And if this is the case my streak of misfortune, loss and self destruction are all part of the greater good…. The balance to positive and negative, I may be unholy and impure, yes perhaps even evil but who gets to decide vhich side of the scales I fall on? The scape goat called god? “Pre defined destiny?” No…. I don’t believe in pre set fates because that vould completely destroy the point of living, not that I can see one at the moment, but still ve have to have hope right? Ha ha another feeling vhich eludes me…. I see “hope” as another vay of saying, “hey your totally fucked... but look on the bright side… you aren’t dead!” And to all of you who actually read this rant and sit there saying “Errr listen to this vhiney vhingey emo kid… I bet he has not had the upbringing that I have…. I bet he does not know vhat a real cut is….he should just kill himself...” my response and message to you is “ im not here to bitch about how shit my life vas, im stating vhat I see it to be now! I KNOW vhat its like to cut… I have slit my wrists but realized I vasnt ready to die and cauterized it vith a jet lighter… no one is asking you to read this so if you are going to leave a bitchy remark, make sure its of relevance, intelligence and for gods sake have a little bit of vit to it… and if you are not pleased vith this… hey come and visit me and I vill show you how easy it actually vill be for me to take life. And remember no one is telling you to read this… or you can take your keyboard cable wrap it around your neck until you cant breathe, cram your mouse into your throat just for good measure and then smash your face into the monitor until the pixels themselves are stained from your own bodily fluids..” now that that’s out of the vay back to the ironies of life… isn’t it funny how the good guys really do finish last? I mean im not vorking as a rocket scientist and pulling in huge sums of money, I have a shitty little job vhere I get money to pay my bills and taxes and the few luxuries like smokes… but even if I saved $200 a veek for an entire year I vould only have just over $10 000…. For fucks sake I could not even buy a new car vith that… ve are all living in a materialistic vorld to vhich ve are all slaves of the corporate Nazis, dictating to us vhat to buy and vhat not to buy… “Hey that sveater looks great on you…” “Really you think? Because I bought it because it vas on sale reduced to clear!” “Oh my, are there any left? Im going to buy one…” yeah you fucking clones of clones know vhat im talking about… try thinking for yourself maybe? Instead of “Hey you vant to go grab some MacDonald’s?” try “Hey im making some sushi tonight, vould you like to come around for a bite to eat? If you come early enough ill teach you how to make it yourself…” another thing that fucking makes me laugh so hard and sickens me at the same time, societies views on “beautiful” For example my room mate is not the skinniest of vomen in the vorld but by god she is definitely one of the most beautiful, she is so nice and caring and vould cut out her own heart just to keep yours beating… if that’s not beauty then vhat the fuck is? Oooh I have a pimple…. Im 6 kilograms over vhat dolly and cosmopolitan say I should be…. Oh no my bottom ribs aren’t sticking out any more… *throws up last 4 days of food in 30 seconds* And this is not an attack on vomen this is on ALL of you, you males that are like hey check out my fucking 6 pack….. Yeah vay to go… my absolute fucking hero… so you can lift 100 fucking kg’s? Then vhy the fuck cant you pick up a three hundred page novel and vork out the most important muscle in your body? Males in today’s society are made up 98% of self centered, arrogant, chauvinistic pigs who are only after sex…. YOU ARE THE REASON VOMEN ARE TURNING THEMSELVES INTO FUCKING FLESHY SKELLETONS!! Chivalry is NOT dead I vill alvays do vhat I can to carry on its legacy. Another thing that I find incredibly amusing is the whole random sex thing, YAY im going to a party tonight going to get really drunk find some random person, fuck them for shits and giggles probably catch 20 sexually transmitted diseases and then tomorrow night vhen I do the same thing again, I CAN SHARE THEM! Vhat is the point? Ever heard of masturbation? Because vhat you’re doing is not only unsafe, degrading and just dirty it makes no sense at all… yeah it feels good, nicely done… so does smoking marijuana but hey not everyone does that do they? The vay I see it sex is the ultimate act of devotion to a partner…. The entwining of two souls, the purest act of love and care you can give to another vithout dying for them… that’s vhat “sex” should be not this… “Vhat the fuck did I do last night? Vhy are my balls green? *ring ring* hello sandy? No sorry I don’t remember you… ve fucked 4 nights ago? Oh yeah that’s right... How you doing? YOURE PREGNANT?” I have this advice to you people, for you men take a pair of bricks and position them either side of your testicles and then slam them together *repeat until they become a fine jelly paste or until you die* for all you vomen out there, get a filter box installed into your twats at least then you may be able to keep clean from all the shit that you stick in it…. *for further protection you could just glad wrap over it and vhilst you at it over your face until you asphyxiate* yeah your probably thinking this guy is a real arse hole… DEAL VITH IT, no im not a nice person! Respect has to be earned, Honor has to be vorked for, and friendship has to be given… NONE OF THESE THINGS ARE FREE! But all are priceless… I vould die vith my blade at the hands of thirty gunman knowing that I took even half the bullets that vould have hit a friend… that’s because I have HONOR, and because I RESPECT my friends. Do any of you know vhat a parasite is? It is a thoughtless, selfish creature designed to feed of and expend all its resources, then breed and then move to the next host, that’s vhat humans are, parasitical organisms raping, defiling and pillaging everything they can get there greedy little fingers into… yes this is a very negative look and perspective on things but unlike most of you out there im not bound to this façade, im not blinded by the rose tinted glasses of faith in man kind or any other for that matter… so vhat if im a cold and heartless bastard? Ill hurt a lot less people vith my blatant honesty than you vill vith the acts that you play every day. I hold no illusion that one day and probably soon I vill die, I velcome it vith open arms to be frank, im not living a lie to justify my existence… I have no idea vhy I am here or vhat my purpose in the “grand scheme” of things actually is, but I vill keep doing vhat I do, spewing forth the my view on the vorld as I see it trying to shed some light to all of you who comprehend vhat im saying and can relate to it. I vill do this until I no longer have the power to do so and vhen that time comes I hope you have all learnt something about yourselves and the lives that you lead asvell as the vorld you live in, or are rotting in a hole in the ground trapped in limbo because of all your fears and doubts. Fear that is my favourite of human emotions… it is so easy to conjure into others yet I no longer have it, to be honest I do kind of miss it… fear is the essence of survival… all of you who say you have no fears vill be the first to be slain, because not only vill you not “fear” vhat is going on but you vont have that instinct to tell you vhen to run and vhen to fight… im not overly concerned as I said, I do not fear anything, I used to fear loosing my loved one and then it happened and now all fear is gone, I do not fear living, I do not fear dying… I do not fear vhat comes after this, I do not fear that someone may gun me down in the middle of the street tomorrow just because they can. I am free to live as I vill as unfulfilling as it may be, and in a sense it drives me. I guess I don’t fear death because I am already dead, this shell just carries on vith my brain… my heart and soul are long gone and my mortal tie to this vorld is severed. I vill leave you vith one final thought for the moment… vhen all is said and done your bodies returned to dust, vhat vill be the good all of those material possessions and physical lusts? Vill you still be able to randomly fuck each other vhen you are naught but a cadaver? Vill you be able to buy shit that you vill be able to take vith you? Vill you have lived the vay you vanted to or as just another mindless drone to the system?











(Chapter two)


Vell I velcome you all back to my horror show, vhat do I have in store for you today you ask? Vell much much more ranting *grins* I know some of you are very anxious as to see vhat I next say so vithout further delay here is another glimpse into the fractured window of my mind….

Vhen you lay avake at night, staring at the roof vith a thousand and one thoughts and emotions racing through your brain. Vhy is it that even the easiest and clearest of decisions become matters of life and death? Vhy does the ant colony called life become a mole hill of chaos? Do ve create these hardships and frustrations in our mind to give ourselves a reason and purpose for being? Or are ve all bound and doomed to our dark dreams and impure desires……

Sleep eludes me so much now days, my sleeping pattern varies from being avake for 4 – 6 days straight and then sleeping for 4 hours and then repeating the process…. I have tried several different kinds of medications, herbal remedies, mediation, drugs….. Yet I still can not find a cure for this retched disease… I eat about as much as I sleep and lately my moods of “Blood Lust” vhich usually only occur once a month at most and are gone vithin days , have now reached a level of occurring frequently and lasting until I sate the desires vith my need for blood… yes this is very disturbing to some but I really don’t care, yes I feed on blood… animal and human alike, I prefer human… don’t vorry I don’t feed on everyone I meet, only those who are clean and meet my standards vhich is to say very few…. Do you know vhat I hate? People who don’t have the balls to say shit to your face. I mean if I have an issue vith someone I tell it to them no matter if I know it’s going to piss them off, I hate the deceit and bullshit of “oh but he said this and she said that”…. Just fucking tells me yourself kay? It’s really not hard and saves a lot of hassle down the track…. Another thing that really pisses me off to the high hells is people who go out of their vay to make others lives difficult…. Yeah I may be a cunt but I vont go out of my vay to be one…. As if ve don’t have enough shit to deal vith ourselves vithout someone going out of their vay to pile more skeletons in our closets… I mean for fuck sake do you vant me digging up the deepest dirt of your miserable existence and flinging it onto the already tarnished platter you carry? I have a rule, do not judge me for who I am and vhat I do or have done and I vill give you the same courtesy… oh my, isn’t that a grand concept? It isn’t fucking rocket science…. Im so sick to fucking god of poser cunts! “Im more Goth than you because my black is totally darker than yours….” And these cunts who say they are Goth or Punk or Emo and actually have no fucking idea vhat the lifestyle is about… that’s right it’s a vay of living not a fucking trend or fashion statement…… and you fucking wankers who go out of your vay to start shit vith the rest of society because you think it makes you look “harder” and “more into the scene” you are the reason ve get so much shit from people, vhy people try and pick fights vith us, reject the true ones because of your stupid antics vhich you probably find hilarious … here is an idea… take that spiked collar you are vearing to make you look tough, turn it inside out so the spikes are against your throat and tie a long chain to it… fasten to a bridge.. (A super market roof vill do) and then jump… hopefully the spikes vill just decapitate you and if not then there is the hope of you snapping your neck or at least asphyxiating …..

I think that my mind is seriously starting to deteriorate… I feel closer and closer each day to snapping and taking my five foot broad sword to the vorld…. I know this is irrational and not a good idea (only because I vill get taken out in the process) but still I envision myself doing it more and more often ….. At vork today I saw myself taking my box cutter to the closest customer’s throat, smashing his face into the vall and then grabbing the nearest heavy inanimate object and caving in skulls….. Vomen… children…. The elderly…. I am not prejudice….. I vanted to cause anarchy and chaos, I knew all to vell that I vould have been eventually taken out by the police but I vas looking forvard to it…. I could have had a good thirty people dead before I got killed… it vould have been great I vould have rid the vorld of a few more vorthless cattle and vould have finally ended this ridiculous game.

I can feel myself becoming colder and colder each passing day…. Morales fading….. Emotions gone….. Apathy taking control….Dark visions taking there toll…. I love it and vould not change myself if I could… I love the monster I have become… I love being the god of my own vorld….. I love knowing that each day I grow closer to attaining pure evil…. Im not striving for it it’s just the vay I am becoming… It scares me that my dark side is no longer in balance vith the good…. It is smothering it and choking it… and im helping it in its quest for complete domination…

I despise those who try to “help” you by stating all your problems vhich you already know you have and trying to give you solutions…yeah because I know I haven’t thought out every aspect to every problem I have… “Oh you are feeling down? Vhy not think happy thoughts. That cheers me up” thanks…. Yeah my happy thoughts are me butchering everyone in a 100 meter radius…got a solution to that? Ha ha yeah give me a shrink?…. Cause I really need someone who is as unstable as I am trying to analyze me….I mean who in there right mind vould vant to sit down and listen to peoples shit all day? “I do it to help people…” yeah and I vant to kill people to help the planet but I don’t think that idea is going to vork do you? I don’t know sometimes I feel that im going to vake from this and find it to all be a dream… or perhaps as me looking up vith unused eyes into the face of a strange voman cooing me to be quiet and trying to breast feed me…. Perhaps this is the end of a beginning of an end? The order to my chaos…..the purity in my tainted vays… I don’t know… maybe im the only one who is sane? Who decides what is good and vhat is evil? Who came up vith the concept of good and evil? If ve look back in history the vorld vas filled vith bloody kings and queens…. People who slew one another just because they could… is it that our “conscience and morale’s” define to us vhat is right and wrong? If so then vhat vould happen if someone like me had taken power instead of someone “righteous”? Vould there be a vorld full of people like me? Or vould I still be a minority? It seems to me that the vorld and its inhabitants are all hypocrites… “Ve vill vage var upon this country because it’s our holy lands and our right….” Im pretty sure one of “Gods” commandments vas thou shall not kill…See my point? I vatched a really interesting program on sperm banks tonight…. About one man who saw society as getting dumber and dumber and collected the sperm of only intelligent men and gave it to intelligent vomen… in order to create a smarter race…. That’s the smartest fucking thing I have heard in a vhile… you should have to take an i.q test before having children and if you fail then you get sterilized… going by this method most of the vorld vould be sterile vhich vould drastically drop our already fucked up population of the earth….. And if you refuse *BAM* bullet through the head and crotch… anyone know vhat earths ideal population limit is? 1 billion… ve have more than that in china alone… isn’t that fucking awesome? Fuck these doctors too, yeah medicine is great blah blah blah humans are meant to die vhen there bodies fail… not “hmm if ve put him on a machine and feed him through a tube ve can make him live for another 20 years…” that’s seriously fucked up, anyone see a pattern to this contributing to our over population? I vould like to make a special mention to a couple of very special people in this chapter, firstly Stephanie… I love you Steph, I vould kill and die for you at the drop of a hat… vhen I vas a fat library geek and not attractive Steph stood by me vhen nearly no one vould, she befriended me vhen others vould not and at the risk of being ridiculed and shunned for associating vith me… she is selfless and caring and alvays makes time to listen to me no matter vhat I do or vhat I become I know she vill stand by me, so thank you Stephanie.., any time any place for any reason I vill be there for you… to James, Adam, Mark, Nick, Drew, I love you guys like brothers… vhen I vent through my transformation you supported me and encouraged me to pursue my goals and visions… as strange as some of them may have been…. Thank you all, my blade and life are yours to call upon vhen you vish…. To Jono a friend who is both true to himself and his friends.., I have not known you as long as the others but I still love you too man, I know that if I needed a blade you vould be there swathing a bloody path besides me…. To Rachel you are so fucking great… I love our late night broods and stabs at the vorld… you are a great councilor and even greater friend I look forvard to regaining our conversations very soon…. To Damo…. I miss you man... It seems like an age, you are great bro and you already know how much I love you and how many people vould die by my hands to keep you safe and happy…I vill add more to my list later and don’t feel left out if I have missed you because you vill have a special mention at some point in a chapter….For now I vill I vill leave you vith this but vill rejoin you later… think hard on your goals and dreams… Do vhat your heart and soul tells you to because your mind has a vay of clouding your judgment… Be sympathetic tovards others needs for you may need them as much as they do you… remember to live and love as though each day vere your last, for it very vell maybe… and alvays be yourself even if those around you see it as wrong… farevell for now but I vill return…. *bows low*

hey everyvone how are ve all? I have missed you all so incredibly much.. sorry for those who have tried to contact me i have lost my phone and had to get a new number so here it is 0405 242 280 love you all heaps and hope to talk soon

brad

heres a quiz to see how vell u know me

[link]

ill do a piece of art for anyvone who gets 100% right

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written.

I just logged in and vas all like, vtf? this is crazeh...... any vay i cant have a smoke even though i have 2 packs of tobacco and a pack of pj virginias but i have no fire